Barbara Sarmias Counselling

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New Year! New You?!

Posted on January 5, 2017 at 5:03 PM Comments comments (154)
Well, it's the 5th of January of a brand new year and maybe that list of resolutions you made for yourself is now looking a bit daunting?!

Maybe it's not about making drastic changes in our lives but looking at what small changes we could make to help us feel more fulfilled or content with our lot?  Or maybe that is the crux of the matter...not being content with your lot?

Change of any kind can seem daunting, even a little bit scary but also, changes can be positive.  Afterall, if you're feeling that something is not quite right in your life then making a change surely would be a positive thing to do?

So, maybe it's time to take stock...what do you feel is missing, wrong, needs to change?  It could be your job is not fulfilling you, your life isn't turning out the way you expected or you are part of a couple and you feel at an impasse...poor communication, possibly arguing or just not feeling on the same wavelength?  You don't want to give up on the relationship but you don't know the way forward?  Maybe you feel isolated and don't have anyone to discuss things with?

Change in all these situations is probably the answer for you but how to go about it? Over the past year I can honestly say I have counselled people in all the above situations and helped them make positive changes in their lives.  Exploring your feelings and helping you to make positive changes in your life with the support of an experienced therapist may be the best resolution you make this year...go on, give it a try!

Men and Women Can Communicate...

Posted on September 14, 2015 at 6:08 PM Comments comments (129)
...we just need to learn how!  I have seen many couples recently and the main problem to overcome is the way in which they communicate.  By the end of the first session, it is patently obvious that they are very much in love with each other but are just feeling angry, tired and frustrated because they just cannot find a way to communicate what they are feeling to each other, what they need from each other and end up thinking that there is no future...wrong!
I strongly urge couples who are feeling this way to give couples counselling a try.  In my experience, women are quite keen to give this a try as generally speaking we women like to talk!  But please try to explain to your man/partner that it does not have to be a scary process, it's a good thing to help you both get back on track or even on a good track if you both feel that communication has always been a bit hit and miss and this way you can build a solid foundation for a happier future together.
Try coming for one session and see how you both feel afterwards.  I have found that women often feel relieved at finally being heard and men who are feeling misunderstood or criticised can feel appreciated.

Dealing with disappointment, time to take stock of your life?

Posted on June 23, 2014 at 6:10 PM Comments comments (41)
Reaching a point in your life where you might be thinking, where exactly am I in my life?  Is this where I wanted or thought I would be?  Then perhaps realising you don't like the answers to these questions can trigger feelings of disappointment, disillusionment and even depression.

There might not be a clear reason for reaching this point in your life and feeling this way but it can also be a result of a relationship break up, particularly a long term one, where you didn't expect it to end or even have to start again.  This situation alone can seem very daunting.

Speaking to a person-centred counsellor can help you get through this difficult point in your life and make sense of all these troubling feelings.  Choosing to bury your feelings and just getting on with it, may work for a time but actually feeling the associated grief and loss that goes hand in hand with a relationship break up and giving yourself time and space to heal and explore where you want to go from here can be far more rewarding both in the short and long term.

The greatest gift you can give to yourself is the opportunity to take stock. re-group. charge your batteries!  Personal counselling can help to rejuvenate you, you may even say to yourself, why didn't I try this years ago?!

Why counselling instead of chatting to a friend?

Posted on March 9, 2014 at 6:22 PM Comments comments (15)
When something is deeply troubling you, do you run through a mental checklist of your friends or family members you feel you can talk to and decide which one will listen to you properly, really hear what you have to say?  Which one will respond in the way you want them to?  Will they offer advice and solutions to your problem when all you really want to do is be heard and find your own way through it?

The difference really is that a person-centred counsellor will offer you time and space to explore your troubling thoughts and feelings.  There might be something you want to talk about that you feel might shock a family member or a friend.  Also, you might want to explore what it might feel like to act a certain way to resolve your problem without actually going through with it in reality.

The whole process can be quite cathartic and the time and space offered is yours, to have time to reflect on what is really going on for you without the pressure of considering someone else's feelings.

All this takes place in a confidential environment.  No-one needs to know you are seeking counselling unless you want to tell them. A counsellor will try to see things from your perspective and be there to support you when the journey through any crisis that life has thrown at you just gets too much and help you reach the other side, in your own time and speed. 

This could be trying to make sense of a painful relationship breakdown, or rebuilding one that you want to save; the death of a loved one and sorting through difficult feelings and finding ways to cope and move on.  Or just support in coping with any stressful situation you find yourself in.

Often we take care of the people around us first or even spend a lot of time and energy keeping the things we value up and running.  For instance, you might spend a lot of time and money keeping your car on the road!  Do you ever feel that there is not enough time to spend caring for yourself?  This is what can be achieved in counselling - your time, your space to take care of you.